Do you ever get discouraged because you feel like you can’t seem to get unstuck? Maybe you’ve tried therapy or read some self-help books and they bring relief temporarily but leave you wanting in the long run? 

Or, perhaps you make progress along the way yet inevitably find yourself bumping up against the same flipping roadblocks, over and over.  

If your hand is raised, you’re in good company.  Same same. 

I’m reminded that we aren’t here to finally get it right—to one day fully “arrive” and have it all figured out.  If that is your goal, I hate to break it to you, you’re hosed.  

As humans, we have something undeniable in common.  We are imperfect—flawed at best.

I don’t believe we ever fully arrive.  I believe we get good at resilience.  

Resilience is simply the ability to recover (quickly) from difficulty.  

What’s problematic is when we get so thrown off our game, we stay down too long, and in doing so, become calloused or defined by our struggle.  

So how do we become more resilient?  If this is the secret to moving through life with more ease and confidence, how do we condition ourselves to get back up after the fall, no matter how many times we stumble?

I believe we must reframe failure.  Instead of seeing it as an ending, we must see it as an opening.  Instead of seeing it as a personal blow, we must see it as a wise teacher who comes around from time to time.  She has way more to say than her distant cousin, Success.  

I know, Success is way prettier, but Failure is more than meets the eye.   She has a depth and insight about her that comes from the humility only difficulty can form.  

So next time you feel stuck, broken, or discouraged, I hope you won’t lose heart.  Instead, perhaps the invitation and decision to sit with yourself in the space—to hold yourself in kindness—and to speak to yourself  with understanding, will become the strongest parts of you.  Perhaps they will be the conditioning that over time, just like a muscle—grows bigger and more pronounced.  

Perhaps the goal will not become perfection…but growth tethered in compassionate resilience.